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The Bill of No Rights
Are you sick of the various whiners that expect life to be handed to them on a platter, and seem unwilling to lift a finger to better themselves?*
 | E.g., Spoiled 17-year olds complaining that life is miserable because daddy replaced the 1998 Corvette that they totaled while drunk-driving with "only a 1996 BMW 525!" |
Then read on, for the Bill of Rights, as it ought to be written for today's society of whiners!
* - Warning: This is NOT politically correct! If being pc is more important than truth, humor or actually solving problems and improving conditions, then skip this page!
The Bill of No Rights!
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for terminal whiners, the guilt-ridden, the self-deluded, ultra-conservatives, religious fanatics, and liberal Bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended nor to ban everything with which you disagree! This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, change the channel, turn the TV off, don't have an abortion if you think it's wrong, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. Leave them alone. Maybe other people figure you're the idiot, anyway!
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. If you can't deal with risk, stay home & eat oatmeal.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. Maybe one day we will, but in the meantime, quit stuffing your pie hole with junk food and get your flabby ass down to the gym.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
